INTERIOR, APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY
FOUR GEEKS walk briskly through a hall, turning sharply at
each corner in military style.
V/O - GEEK 1
We are on a mission to help those who, through no fault of
their own, can not help themselves.
V/O - GEEK 2
We all make lifestyle choices, but that's no reason to
miss out on a whole part of living.
V/O - GEEK 3
The first time we did this, it was some guy in Tribeca who
didn't even know what a Wookie was.
V/O - GEEK 4
One by one we will change the world. Watch out... we might
be coming for you next, because we are...
The Geeks knock on an apartment door. A GAY GUY wearing
glasses with thick, black frames and a heavily gelled
The Geeks push into apartment. Freeze-frame, splash title
logo: GEEK EYE FOR THE GAY GUY!
V/O - GEEK 1
Our mission. To bring the joys of the sci-fi, fantasy,
and comic book universe to those unfortunates preoccupied
with fashion, cuisine, opera, and old movies about
CUT TO: KITCHEN
Geek 3 going through Gay Guy's pantry. Systematically
throws out cereal boxes--Muselix, Oat Bran, Special K
--and replaces them with Cap'n Crunch, Fruit Loops, Corn Pops.
CUT TO: LIVING ROOM
Geeks are going through Gay Guy's book/video shelves
Geek 1 reads titles and the others yea or nay.
Valley of the Dolls?
(make game-show buzzer sound)
Geek 1 tosses book into garbage bag; gets the next.
Biography of Calvin Klein?
Judy Garland karaoke tape?
The Illiad and the Odyssey?
Yeah. OK. Nice one, dude!
Geek 1 puts it back on shelf. Gets next item.
Martha, Inc. ?
I don't know... she's kind of hot. In a
Florence Henderson sort of way.
Yeah. OK. We'll allow it.
Geek 4 holds a remote and points at a TV as Gay Guy watches.
Now that's Captain Janeway.
Right. I like the whole Katherine Hepburn thing she has going on.
OK. And that's Seven of Nine. They're both on Voyager.
Got it. Voyager. Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine.
Now which one was hot again?
Geek 1 is showing Gay Guy how to work his new Tivo.
So you're all set up to tape The Simpsons, reruns of
Buffy, the Twilight Zone marathon, and an A&E series
on the history of comic books.
And Will and Grace?
Geek 1 sighs, looks to both sides sneakily, then starts
reprogramming the Tivo
All right, but don't tell the others.
(badly overemphasizing the phrase)
You are a totally righteous dude!
Geek 2 holds a remote and points at a TV as Gay Guy watches.
And the really cool thing is that while there's all
this sexual subtext going on, Mulder and Scully never
actually get together.
Well, that's obvious. Because he is, like, completely gay.
What?! What do you mean?
Oh, puh-lease! He's wearing Gucci loafers with a
Brooks Brothers suit!
Geek 2 stares bewildered at screen as Gay Guy points.
Montage of Geeks redoing Gay Guy's apartment: Take down
big Mapplethorpe poster and hang up a map of Middle Earth.
Remove abstract marble sculpture from bookshelf and replace
with Bobba Fett mask. Stand up life size cutout of
Captain Picard. Gay Guy puts leather cap on it; Geeks
shake their heads and remove cap. Geek 3 sets up superhero
action figures on Gay Guy's desk. Gay Guy and Geek 2
sneak up and lay the Superman on top of the Wonder Woman,
then high-five each other.
V/O - GEEK 3
In the end, I think we were pretty successful.
Geeks and Gay Guy lounging sloppily on couch, eating
snack chips from the bag, drinking beer bottles.
No way, dude! Darth Maul could totally kick Darth Vader's ass!
Geek 4 quizzing Gay Guy.
Boromir was the older brother of Farmir who were the sons
of Denthor who was the Steward of Gondor preserving
Minas Tirith until the line of the Numenorean kings is
once again completed when the heir of Isildur comes to
claim the White Crown.
They both stand and thump their chests in a Medieval salute.
Geeks watch a hidden camera with Gay Guy sitting in a
coffee shop talking with apparently gay friends.
Think about it. The graphic novel is definitely the
logical evolution for serious literature in a
Gay Guy's friends look horrified. Geeks celebrate
loudly with high-fives.
V/O - GEEK 2
But, we also learned some things as well.
Geeks and Gay Guy, all apparently drunk, sing "Somewhere
Over the Rainbow" at a karaoke bar.
Geeks and Gay Guy stand together, variously dressed in
sloppy flannel or sci-fi movie t-shirts, caps, Klingon
Until next time, remember:
GEEKS AND GAY GUY TOGETHER
(to the tune of "Close Encounters", with hand gesture)
YOU ... ARE ... NOT ... ALONE!
Splash logo. End trailer.
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